I think Vicki is nuts. She’s my bartender this afternoon at a townie joint in downtown Sturgis.

She sets my bottle of Bud on the bar and gently nests a booklet the size of a driver’s license alongside.

“Whoa!” I declare. “A chick’s giving me a Chick Tract!”

“It’s something else,” she says. “And no shot of Jack till you read it.”

I chug the Bud and figure I’ll humor Vicki. I pick up the tiny booklet; its simple white cover has black text that reads, “The Ten Commandments for Bikers.”

It’s printed on what feels like metal, yet the pages are thinner and lighter than Bible paper. And they won’t tear — I try.

So, I flip through the booklet, prepared to laugh my ass off. But I don’t.

1. Ride with Respect or Don’t Ride at All: The road isn’t a playground. Honor it, or stay home.
2. One Family, One Road: No matter the bike, the brand, or the style, we’re all riders. If you can’t respect that, you don’t belong.
3. Take Care of Your Beast: A biker’s pride is in their ride. Treat it right, and it’ll never let you down.
4. Gear Up or Eat Asphalt: The choice is yours, but the wise know that the road can be as harsh as it is free. Dress for the slide, not just the ride.
5. Sober Riding Ain’t Just a Suggestion: Your choices affect everyone on the road. Ride high, and you’ll fall low.
6. Stranded Is No Way to Be: See a brother or sister in trouble? You stop. It’s not just about being cool; it’s about being human.
7. Ride Hard, But Ride Right: There’s a thrill in speed, but law and skill aren’t just words. Know your limits; know the law.
8. We’re All Ambassadors of the Road: Act like a fool, and that’s how the world sees us. Ride with dignity, show respect, and earn your place.
9. Teach the Willing, Ignore the Foolish: The road’s wisdom isn’t for everyone. Share with those who respect it. Leave the rest in your dust.
10. Ride Free, But Never Alone: The road is a journey, an adventure, a calling, but remember your family, friends, those waiting for you back home — and the guy who always has your back.

“Where’d you get this?” I ask.

“Some biker who looked like Jesus passed ’em out this morning.”

“He looked like Jesus?”

“Well, maybe like Bradley Cooper playing Jesus.”

“Right.”

“The weird thing is, everybody described him different,” Vicki says. “One gal thinks he’s Black, one thinks he’s Asian, and here’s what’s really spooky: A couple folks didn’t see him at all.”

And then Vicki pours us both a double shot of Jack.

Copyright © 2023 L.T. Hanlon