My machete, my mushrooms, and me

Image shows a shirtless young man laughing as he leans against a pickup truck.

I stumbled down the residential street, my mind a kaleidoscope from the ‘shrooms. The cool night air felt electric, and I felt invincible.

Danger? No way. Fuck it!

A house caught my eye. I banged on the front door until the glass shattered. A family, perched on a sofa, shifted their gaze from Netflix to me.

I shed my clothes, reveling in the freedom. Get a load of this, you stinking normies!

Then, headlights, blue lights, red lights, and cop voices flooded the street. I swung a machete over my head and dove into the bed of a pickup parked in the driveway.

Machete? Where the fuck did I get that?

Johnny Law dogpiled me in seconds; a burly officer knocked my blade aside. I tore the left-side mirror from the truck as the cops wrestled me to the concrete.

At the hospital, I ripped out four IVs before orderlies strapped me to an exam table. The sedatives took hold, and my world faded to black.

The next day I awoke puking in a County Detention Center holding cell. Maybe running around naked and terrifying a family hadn’t been the best way to party.

Would it help if I sent them an apology note?

Text and photo copyright © 2024 L.T. Hanlon. All content in this post is fiction.

Weird day in Wyoming still haunts me 50 years on

In the 1970s, two young men stand near a Ford truck with Boar's Tusk rock formation behind them.

I grew up in Colorado and spent many years working at newspapers in Colorado, Arizona, and Wyoming. I love the West and hope to retire there someday. The West is in my heart.

When most folks think of the West, they envision a land in which the echoes of homesteaders, cowboys, Indians, and Manifest Destiny still echo. But there’s another side to the West whose echoes you only hear late at night; you’d best listen to these tales with the lights on. Such weird West stories range from legends of cryptids like the thunderbird to accounts of strange doorways into parallel universes.

Tall tales collect a patina of reality out West because so many still lie at the edge of living memory and are told and retold by those who insist they witnessed the events. Besides, as a newspaper editor in John Ford’s “The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance” famously observes, “This is the West, sir. When the legend becomes fact, print the legend.”

A recent series of books by David Paulides of the CanAm Missing Project explores the disturbing possibility that for more than a century, people have disappeared under unusual circumstances in wilderness areas. In his books, Paulides also claims that this phenomenon isn’t restricted to the United States and that clusters of similar disappearances exist worldwide.

I’ve been following his research since discovering Paulides’ books several years ago. I just purchased his latest volume, “Missing 411: The Devil’s in the Detail,” the list of oddities in the Great Outdoors continues as regularly as Old Faithful eruptions.

I’m fascinated by Paulides’ research because almost 50 years ago, I experienced something similar that I still can’t fully explain — and even writing about it now makes me uncomfortable.

Alone in the middle of nowhere

When I worked for the Daily Rocket-Miner in Rock Springs, Wyoming, as a reporter and photographer, I discovered an old 4×5 Crown Graphic camera in a darkroom closet. Our publisher told me I could shoot some test images with it, so I talked a friend of mine into driving me out to Boar’s Tusk. I needed a cover photo for the Progress Edition, and this stark rock formation out in the Red Desert would be good.

My friend Dennis (not his real name) had just bought a Ford Bronco and agreed to drive me out to Boar’s Tusk one Saturday. We’d made it nearly there when clouds began to move in. A thunderstorm was imminent, so I decided to slap on a red filter and grab a few shots of Boar’s Tusk framed by dramatic clouds before the sky opened.

Dennis pulled off the gravel county road, and I set up my tripod, mounted the vintage press camera, and pointed it at the distant remnant of an ancient volcano. I took light meter readings and was about to slide in the film when Dennis approached me, leaned close, and whispered: “Something’s wrong here. We need to get out of here NOW.”

He told me to loudly ask him to return to the truck and get some more film — and that when he’d reached the vehicle, I should quickly fold up the tripod with the camera still attached, carry it to the back of the truck, throw it in, and climb into the passenger side.

That’s what I did. A second after I got in the Bronco, Dennis fired it up and sped out as fast as he could. He didn’t slow down until we were back on pavement at least five to 10 miles away.

I was maybe 22 at the time, and Dennis was in his mid-30s. He was an experienced hunter and outdoorsman who didn’t drink to excess or do drugs.

People were hiding — and watching us

Once he’d calmed down, Dennis told me that a couple of minutes after we got out of the truck, he noticed a disturbing lack of insect sounds — and that in late summer, the place should have been screaming with noise.

What he said next still gives me goosebumps. Dennis said he saw at least two human eyes staring at us.

I told him that was crazy. There was no place for people to hide, and the sparse scrub and sage were maybe three feet tall at most.

That’s when Dennis said the people had been lying on the ground and holding what he took to be rifles.

Dennis drove back to Rock Springs and kept checking the rearview. My friend didn’t want to return to his place, so he spent the rest of Saturday at my apartment. Neither of us could sleep, and although we hadn’t seen anybody following us, at one point, we became convinced “people” were combing Rock Springs looking for us.

Neither of us could get to sleep.

Would authorities think we’re crazy?

By noon Sunday, we still hadn’t calmed down much and thought about calling the police and sheriff’s office. Then, suddenly, we both felt a strange sense of calm and realized that nobody had followed us. We began to consider the possibility that nobody had been out there in the desert watching us at all.

Both of us were starving, and it occurred to me that we hadn’t eaten or slept in more than 24 hours. So we walked over to the Taco John’s just up the street from my tiny apartment. I specifically remember ordering a taco salad, a taco burger, and a large cola.

Neither of us told friends or family about the incident until years later. I’ve since lost touch with Dennis.

As the decades passed, I decided that Dennis and I must have somehow locked our thought processes into some mutual feedback loop that amplified our paranoia into a brief, self-limiting, synchronized psychosis.

Several weeks previously, we had rambling, late-night discussions about the cattle mutilation cases unnerving ranchers across the Rocky Mountain West. I had also recently become obsessed with UFOs reported near Pinedale, Wyoming, and had interviewed the University of Wyoming’s Dr. Leo Sprinkle about his ufology research, which included investigating reports of alien abductions years before the subject saturated the public mind.

In short, we had been constantly talking about weird stuff for a long time. Perhaps a strange spark on a Saturday in the wilderness ignited a brief mental brushfire in both of our minds.

Another possibility is that somebody drugged us, but we hadn’t stopped to eat or drink on our way out to Boar’s Tusk, and we’d only consumed soft drinks from sealed cans stored in a small cooler.

I’ve decided I’ll never determine what happened.

But I’ll tell you this: I’ve never returned to Boar’s Tusk.

There’s no problem that drugs and money can’t fix

The clock over the mirror in Benny’s Bar had struck 1 a.m., and the joint’s raucous energy now simmered at a low hum.

Cousin Jake chugged his beer, adjusted his Stetson, and told Garner to spill the beans from his meeting with the biker who could fix any problem.

“So, Maddox’s plan,” Garner began, his voice barely above a whisper. “It’s all about Danny having stepped into Scarab territory. Maddox and the Scarabs, they’re not gonna let that slide.”

Jake raised an eyebrow. “What about the meth you sold to Danny? Aren’t you on the hook, too?”

Garner shook his head. “That’s the leverage. I hand over the fentanyl to the Scarabs, and they take care of Danny and his crew. An ‘unfortunate accident,’ Maddox called it.”

Jake smirked, a mix of disbelief and admiration. “That’s it? Just hand over the goods, and poof, problem solved?”

“That’s it,” Garner said. “But Jake, we can’t breathe a word of this. Ever.”

“No problem, cousin. I never told you what Maddox did for my dad, did I?”

Jake signaled for another round, then turned back to Garner, his demeanor shifting from serious to jovial. “Hope you’re good to drive, bro, ’cause I’m about to get hammered!”

Text and photo copyright © 2023 L.T. Hanlon. All content in this post is fiction.

How to kill the men who had their way with Garner?

Jake’s old pickup truck rumbled down the Interstate 80 service road. Benny’s Bar was now a distant memory, replaced by the vast, open night.

Their destination loomed ahead, a nondescript roadside business, its sign a faded relic that read “Maddox’s Recovery & Towing.” Forsaken vehicles, each with a story hidden beneath layers of dirt, dust, and rust, sat behind a perimeter fence topped with concertina wire.

Jake parked beside a towering tow truck, its paint job boasting a fierce eagle. He killed the engine, the silence between them thick with anticipation. “This is it, Garner. Maddox is the guy. Just remember, he’s a straight shooter.”

Garner recognized the name. Maddox carried weight in whispered conversations, a legend in his own right. As he and Jake stepped out of the truck, the cool air hit him, sobering his thoughts.

Maddox emerged from the shadows, a towering figure much older than Garner had imagined. His eyes, sharp and assessing, fixed on him. “You’re Jake’s kin?”

“Yeah, that’s right,” Garner said.

Maddox’s gaze flickered to Jake. “Wait here, kid. Garner and I need to talk.”

Garner followed Maddox to a small mobile home at the back of the lot. Maddox steered him to a tiny kitchen, whose well-worn table, pendulum cat clock, and refrigerator adorned with Disney magnets and family photos gave the place a cozy feel.

“Park it. Coffee?” Maddox offered, his voice a low rumble as he moved to a small, outdated Mr. Coffee.

“Sure, thanks,” Garner replied, taking a seat. This little trailer felt like a sanctuary, a hidden world away from the chaos of his life.

Maddox poured two steaming cups, his movements deliberate. He joined Garner at the small table, his presence commanding yet comforting.

“Talk to me, Garner. What’s eating you?” Maddox’s tone was direct, his eyes piercing.

Garner took a deep breath, the steam from the coffee mingling with his words. He watched the cat’s eyes shift side-to-side as its pendulum tail swept beneath the face where hands read 1:20.

“It’s about revenge, but not the kind you’d expect. See, I did a deal with this guy I knew in the joint, and then he and his friends made me. . .”

As Garner spoke, Maddox listened, his expression unreadable yet attentive.

“And you want to kill these men?”

“I hoped you could do it.”

Maddox almost cracked a smile as he shook his head. “No, I’m not going to kill anybody, and neither are you.”

“So what’s the answer?”

Maddox raised his cup as if making a toast, took a sip, and silently set the cup on the table. “The answer is we get someone else to do it.”

Text and photo copyright © 2023 L.T. Hanlon. All content in this post is fiction.

Cousin Jake comes up with a killer suggestion

In the red glow of the neon sign outside Benny’s Bar, Garner leaned against the cold brick wall, his face a patchwork of bruises and dried blood. He winced as he touched his swollen cheek, replaying the night’s gangbang. Four against one, and he had been on the losing end.

Footsteps approached, and Garner straightened up as his cousin Jake appeared, his brow furrowed in concern. “Jesus, Garner, you look like hell.”

“Yeah, well, I need a favor,” Garner said. “Lend me your Glock. I gotta settle things with four guys.”

Jake crossed his arms and shook his head. “It’s like this, bro — and don’t take this the wrong way — but y’all are a fuckin’ retread. If I borrow you my piece, you’ll kill those assholes, get caught, and we’ll both end up in Rawlins. But I have the answer. That biker dude who helped my dad with his problem last year? I’m sure he can fix yours, too. Trust me on this one, cousin.”

Garner’s fists clenched.

Jake sighed, stepping closer. “Listen, I get it. But think, man. There’s a smarter way to handle this.” His voice was firm yet laced with a brotherly concern.

A moment of silence hung between them, the neon sign flickering above. Garner knew his cousin was right, but his pride was hard to swallow.

Finally, Garner nodded, the tension in his shoulders easing slightly. “All right, I trust you. Let’s do it your way.”

Jake clapped him on the back. “Good choice. Let’s talk to him. And after, let’s come back here and grab a beer. You look like you could use one or two.”

Text and photo copyright © 2023 L.T. Hanlon. All content in this post is fiction.

Alpha dogs make you submit, whether you like it or not

Garner trudged back to his car, the cold gnawing at his bones. The night air, heavy with the threat of winter, made each step feel like wading through sludge. Reaching the trunk, he popped it open to reveal the neatly stacked packages of crystal meth, their presence a stark reminder of the path he now walked.

With a grunt, he hefted them into his arms, the weight of his decision pressing down on him as much as the physical burden. As he made his way back to the trailer, each footfall echoed with his past mistakes.

The stale air inside the trailer embraced him like an old, unwelcome friend. Danny’s eyes followed his every move, sharp and calculating. Garner placed the packages on the rickety table, its surface stained with memories, spilled drinks, and cigarette burns.

“Here’s the shit,” he said.

Danny’s lips curled into a smirk, an expression that never boded well. He held up a family-size box of Lucky Charms, the absurdity of the cereal box juxtaposed against the grim setting. He tossed it to Garner, who caught it with a frown. Inside, the unmistakable rustle of paper signaled the promised fifty grand.

“Always knew you had a flair for the dramatic,” Garner said.

Danny’s gravelly chuckle was old tires on a rough road. “Life’s a show, Nash, and we’re all clowns in the circus.”

The moment hung between them, a fragile truce in a long-fought war. Then Danny’s gaze sharpened. “There’s one more thing, Nash. For old-time’s sake. You know you want it.”

Garner’s stomach knotted. Danny’s tone left little room for ambiguity. This was not a request; it was a demand.

Danny loaded more crystal into the small glass pipe, flicked the lighter, and extended it. The grains shimmered teasingly. Garner’s hand shook as he accepted it and took a deep breath.

Then Danny was upon him, his grip ironclad, pulling Garner into the bedroom. He kissed Garner with surprising gentleness before hurling the younger man onto the soiled mattress.

The meth fired circuits in Garner that triggered a memory dump — night terrors in prison, a gang rape he told guards was consensual, and weird shit like Avogadro’s number from that high school physics class he flunked.

Garner’s mind galloped, caught in desperation, resignation, and a maniacal urge for this bully to wreck his hole. You chose this game, a voice screamed in his brain. Take it like a man.

In the doorway, Danny peeled off his shirt, reached into his jeans pocket, and threw a tiny brown bottle of liquid on the bed. He unfastened his thick, black belt and yanked it free of his Wranglers, slapped it against the doorframe.

“Don’t eyeball me like that, bitch,” he said. “It’s the same as in the joint. Shit on my cock or blood on my shiv.”

Text and photo copyright © 2023 L.T. Hanlon. All content in this post is fiction.

The guy’s still an asshole and lives in a shitty trailer

Garner arrived at Danny’s trailer, the dilapidation of the place a stark reminder of the grim world he’d re-entered. With its peeling paint and broken windows, the trailer squatted on its haunches like a decrepit beast. Inside, the air was thick with stale cigarettes and neglect.

“Nice place you’ve got here,” Garner said, eyes scanning the filthy interior.

Danny, lounging on a worn-out sofa that first tasted ass when Jackie Kennedy wore pink pillbox hats, just sneered. “Don’t need to be fancy to do business, Nash. You should know that.”

Their small talk was terse, laden with the weight of a past neither man cared to revisit. As abrasive as ever, Danny seemed to take pleasure in jabbing at old wounds.

After a few minutes, Danny’s attention turned to the matter at hand. “Let’s see if this crystal is as sweet as you claim,” he said, a malicious gleam in his eyes.

Garner handed over a sample, his fingers steady despite the turmoil. Danny piped and lit it with the expertise of a connoisseur, his nod of approval sending a wave of relief through Garner.

“Damn, Nash, you weren’t kidding. This is good stuff,” Danny admitted, a rare note of respect in his voice. “Fifty grand sound fair to you?”

Garner nodded, a semblance of a plan taking shape in his mind. “Sounds fair. I’ll bring the rest tomorrow.”

Danny’s smirk returned, as sharp as a knife’s edge. “Don’t play me for a fool, Nash. I know you. The stuff’s in your car’s trunk. You think I’m a fuckin’ retread?”

Garner’s heart sank. He’d underestimated Danny’s cunning.

“Go get it, now,” Danny ordered, his tone leaving no room for argument.

Garner stepped out into the cold night. This was a dangerous game, and he was walking a razor-thin line.

Text and photo copyright © 2023 L.T. Hanlon. All content in this post is fiction.

Trusting the devil with a taste of your treasure

Chet looks on as Garner shows a bag of meth to Danny.

Chet led Garner out of the dim bar, pushing through the back door into an alley. They approached an old Ford F-150, its paint faded and chipped.

Behind the wheel sat Danny Maddox, whose face twisted into a smirk when he recognized Garner.

“Well, well, if it ain’t Garner Nash,” Danny drawled, his voice dripping with mock surprise. “Running back to me here on the outside. Still wanna be my bitch, is that it, boy?”

Garner’s jaw clenched, but he kept his cool. “People change, Danny. Circumstances change.”

Danny snorted. “The only thing that’s probably changed is the size of your shithole.”

Garner produced a small plastic bag from his pocket. “I’ve got something that might interest you,” he said.

Danny eyed the bag, his skepticism clear. He snatched it, flicked it open, and stuck a finger inside. Bringing it to his mouth, he tasted the contents — and his eyes lit up with approval.

“Not bad, Nash. Not bad at all,” he conceded, a hint of respect creeping into his voice. “Meet me at my place. We can talk business there.”

Garner nodded, a plan forming in his mind.

“And Nash,” Danny added, his gaze shifting to Chet, “leave that loser right here. This is between you and me.”

“You’re gonna trust that snake?” Chet asked as they watched Danny drive off down the icy alley.

“Sometimes you gotta dance with the devil to get out of hell,” Garner said.

Text and photo copyright © 2023 L.T. Hanlon. All content in this post is fiction.