The Daily Mail consistently refuses to remove British spelling and usage from its content targeting U.S. readers. If the Daily Mail is unwilling to make its publication more accessible to American readers, perhaps it should go all the way and treat us to the full high-tone British experience.

My suggested rewrite follows . . .

Flagler County Sheriff’s Deputy Nick Huzior got whisked off to the ol’ dog and bone, right? Messin’ with fentanyl at a bob standard traffic stop, ‘e did. Them rozzers reckon a mad gust could’ve popped that stuff up ‘is ‘ooter and done ‘im in. Them clever blokes in white coats? They chucked that idea in the ol’ dustbin, said it was complete pony.