Stolen gun deal goes down in Trinidad

A man kneels in an alley and shows a woman a selection of stolen firearms for sale.

In the shadowed backstreets of Trinidad, Colorado, where the air buzzed with whispered deals and secrets, Margo Ames leaned against the graffiti-scarred wall of an abandoned warehouse.

A pickup rumbled into view and halted in front of her. The driver’s door creaked open and out stepped Eddie “Concrete” Malone, named for his favorite burglary tool.

“Nice night, huh, Eddie?” Margo’s voice was smooth, a dangerous melody.

“I’m in a hurry,” Eddie said. “You got the cash?”

“Relax, I have your money. Let’s see the merchandise first.”

Eddie led her to the back of the truck, flipped down the tailgate, rooted around under a pile of sandbags, and hauled out a case heavy with the weight of seven shotguns and a rifle. He zipped the case open, and Margo appraised the firearms with an expert eye, her fingers lingering over the cold metal.

“Quite a haul here, Eddie. You’re a real one-man army.”

Eddie puffed up. “Took ’em from the Rocky Mountain Trading Company. No sweat.”

Margot drew a taser from her jacket, jammed it against Eddie’s neck, and let him ride the lightning. He crumpled, hit the ground hard, twitched a few times, and pissed himself.

She restrained Eddie with zip ties and reached into her jacket pocket for the ball gag she’d brought. However, it was missing. Looking around, she spotted a disposable diaper hanging from a dumpster. Thinking quickly, she stuffed part of it into Eddie’s mouth and secured the plastic ends behind his neck. Margot then rolled Eddie behind the dumpster, concealing him with cardboard boxes to keep him hidden.

After returning the gun case to the truck bed, Margot climbed into Eddie’s pickup and drove off, leaving behind the sounds of the guy’s muffled protests and the flickering lights of Trinidad.

Text and photo copyright © 2023 L.T. Hanlon. All content in this post is fiction.

Perps toss hundreds of fentanyl pills onto Wyoming highway

A scruffy young man kneels along snowy Highway 28 in Wyoming and looks at fentanyl pills and crustal meth packets that a passing motorist threw out the window.

Garner Nash never imagined his day would turn out so good.

There he was on State Highway 28, thumb outstretched, hoping for a ride from the freezing nowhere he found himself in. Memo to self, Garner thought: Next time a truck driver wants a blowjob, give him one to avoid getting kicked out in weather like this.

Way up the highway near South Pass, Garner saw a car approaching fast. Before he could make eye contact with the driver, the car roared into view, its passenger-side window open.

Hundreds of pills flew from the car, peppering Garner like buckshot and skittering across the asphalt.

And then the car already seemed miles away.

As Garner scooped up the pills and stuffed them in his backpack, he saw dozens of tiny plastic packets and got them, too. He jumped into a ditch and crouched behind some brush, watching as Wyoming Highway Patrol cruisers flashed by in pursuit.

When engines and sirens faded in the distance, Garner took a moment to examine his booty and recognized fentanyl pills interspersed with packets of crystal meth.

He couldn’t stay on the road. With cautious steps, Garner emerged from his hiding place, his mind buzzing with possibilities. He stumbled upon an unguarded ranch where an old Mercury M-100 pickup sat. It was old and rusted, but it was his ticket to safety.

Garner’s hands shook as he hot-wired the truck — something he’d learned from a fellow drifter. The engine sputtered to life, and he was off, driving down an unmarked gravel road.

A nagging voice whispered of risks, of dangers lurking in the shadows of this newfound path. Yet, Garner pushed these thoughts aside. For now, he was on the road to easy money.

About an hour later, he swapped the M-100 for a Honda Civic in Lander and headed for Rock Springs. A guy he used to fuck in prison could tell him where to sell this shit.

Text and photo copyright © 2023 L.T. Hanlon. All content in this post is fiction.

Helping out with a North Dakota housewarming

An attractive young, dark-haired woman and an older man have a serious conversation in a North Dakota bar.

Jill pushed through the holiday weekend crowd at the Roughrider’s Rest, a bar outside Fort Yates, North Dakota. The joint was a time capsule of rural America: walls adorned with worn-out farm equipment, dim lighting, and heavy air redolent of history, hops, and hookups.

“You Joe?” Jill asked the old guy at the bar. He nodded, his face a roadmap of wrinkles telling stories of years in the prairie sun.

“Heard you’re handy with HVAC systems,” he rasped, swirling his whiskey.

“That’s right,” Jill said.

“I got a rush job,” Joe said, lowering his voice. “My daughter’s house. Boyfriend says it got so cold last night the inside felt like the business end of an ice pick.”

Jill raised an eyebrow. “Just the both of them living there?”

“Beth’s spending 90 days in rehab,” Joe said.

“And him?”

“He’s the only one there, and he’s still cooking meth,” Joe spat.

Jill smiled deliberate-like. “I’ll do it for free.”

“Why?”

“That’s none of your business,” Jill said.

They shook on the deal, and Jill knew this would be interesting … real interesting.

Text and photo copyright © 2023 L.T. Hanlon. This blog post is flash fiction.

OpenAI appoints Edward Dillinger as new CEO

A man in a business suit stands next a monitor displaying the MCP from "Tron."

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

San Francisco, CA –— OpenAI, a leading artificial intelligence research laboratory, is thrilled to announce Edward Dillinger as its new Chief Executive Officer, effective immediately. Dillinger, a renowned figure in the tech industry, is best known for his groundbreaking work as the Senior Executive Vice President of ENCOM, where he led the development of iconic video games like “Matrix Blaster,” “Light Cycles,” and “Space Paranoids.”

“Edward’s vision and leadership in the realm of digital innovation align perfectly with OpenAI’s mission to ensure that artificial general intelligence (AGI) benefits all of humanity,” said Sam Altman, former CEO of OpenAI. “His pioneering spirit and experience in managing complex technological projects make him an ideal leader for our ambitious goals.”

Dillinger expressed his enthusiasm about the new role, stating, “I am excited to join OpenAI and contribute to the advancement of AI in a responsible and impactful way. My journey with ENCOM has been incredible, and I’m ready to bring my experience to the forefront of AI development.”

Under Dillinger’s leadership, OpenAI aims to accelerate its research in AI safety and ethics, ensuring that the benefits of AI technologies are widely and equitably distributed. The company is also expected to expand its portfolio of projects, leveraging Dillinger’s expertise in gaming and interactive technologies.

This appointment marks a significant milestone for OpenAI as it continues to push the boundaries of AI research and applications, striving for a future where AI and humanity coexist in harmony and prosperity.

Contact Information:
OpenAI Media Relations
media@openai.com

About OpenAI:
OpenAI is an AI research and deployment company, dedicated to ensuring that artificial general intelligence benefits all of humanity. The company is composed of a team of researchers and engineers, striving to advance digital intelligence in the way that is most likely to benefit humanity as a whole.

Note: This release is a fictional parody and should not be taken as factual information.

Text and photo copyright © 2023 L.T. Hanlon. This post is a work of fiction.