Claude writes about Dillinger’s memorable member

Official FBI wanted card and photo for John Dillinger.

Until a moment ago, my experience in working with Anthropic’s Claude bot left me cold. The AI bot didn’t want to help me write anything off-colored, in poor taste, or really nasty.

I felt like I was having to run everything past the Hays Office.

A few minutes ago, I submitted the following prompt to Claude: Write a fictional 250-word letter to J. Edgar Hoover from a woman, who, in 1932, claims to have been injured during sex with John Dillinger because he was “too big.”

The results surprised me. Now, not only does Claude like it a little nasty, it has a sense of humor. Betty Johnson? Hah!

Check it out . . .

Dear Mr. Hoover,

I am writing to you with an urgent plea to apprehend the notorious outlaw John Dillinger before he violates another woman with his enormous manhood.

My name is Betty Johnson. Last month, I had the misfortune of encountering Mr. Dillinger at a speakeasy in Chicago. After a few drinks, he convinced me to accompany him to a hotel room for an intimate encounter. I assumed a strapping man like him would show a lady a good time.

I was sorely mistaken.

As soon as we were alone, he tore off his pants, exposing himself in all his massive glory. I tell you, Mr. Hoover, I have been with many men, but none compared to his staggering size. He threw me on the bed and had his way with me, forcing his colossal member inside my delicate flower. The pain was excruciating – unlike anything I’d ever felt. I begged and pleaded for him to stop, but he would not relent.

When he finally finished, I was battered, bruised, and bleeding. I could barely walk for days. I fear that if he is not stopped, other women may experience the same suffering at the hands of his freakish phallus.

Please, Mr. Hoover, you must apprehend this criminal and his weapon of mass seduction before he strikes again! No woman should have to endure what I did.

Yours truly,
Betty Johnson

‘Strange New Worlds’ sets phasers to ‘cringe’

Goofy-looking cartoon skunk learns he'll be guest-starring in a "Star Trek: Strange New Worlds" episode.
“This is great! ‘Star Trek: Strange New Worlds’ wants me for an all-skunk episode!”

The deadly pandemic known as “crossoveritis” has struck the “Star Trek” franchise again — and given me my most severe case of vicarious embarrassment since “Stargate SG-1” invoked Gerry Anderson.

I sit agog at the sheer audacity of the “Star Trek” franchise to pull this stunt. It’s akin to the ludicrous episode “200” from “Stargate SG-1” — the one that makes you want to teleport yourself into another galaxy, preferably one without cable.

Star Trek: Strange New Worlds,” for the unfamiliar, is the nostalgia-fueled, good-ship-lollipop revival of Captain Pike’s pre-Kirk adventures.

Star Trek: Lower Decks” is what you get when you mate “Star Trek” with “Rick and Morty” — a projectile vomit-inducing cartoon for the hyper-caffeinated.

Combine the two in the episode “Those Old Scientists“? It’s like blending champagne with Red Bull: a waste of good champagne and a misuse of Red Bull.

This unholy crossover is the equivalent of forcibly beaming the Starfleet Academy into an interstellar clown college. I don’t know who in the production team thought turning our beloved, serious sci-fi characters into comedic cartoons was a good idea.

Are we so desperate for laughs in the grim vacuum of space we must resort to such abominations?

“Strange New Worlds” was barely hanging on by the thread of nostalgic fanboy/girl hope, but this crossover might as well have been a phaser set to kill, aimed straight at the integrity of the series.

And “Lower Decks”? The original premise was as slippery as a Ferengi businessman — the humorous underbelly of “Star Trek”?

Please. It’s like someone looked at the underappreciated maintenance crews and thought, “You know what would make this better? Caricatures and slapstick!”

“Stargate SG-1” had its Supermarionation embarrassment, sure, but at least it had the decency to return to its senses in later episodes. “200” was a fever dream from which we thankfully awoke.

But our dear Starfleet seems to have lost its way in this cartoon cosmos, with no signs of a course correction.

I swear, if this is the trajectory of “Star Trek’s” future, I’d rather watch a Klingon log-rolling competition. At least that would involve real logs and real danger rather than this watered-down, Saturday-morning-cartoon-esque disgrace that we are forced to reckon with.

Beam me up, Scotty — I can’t take it anymore.

From bias to balance: Google’s Genesis could pave the way

Cartoon shows two smiling humans work with their AI partner in a newsroom.
Humans and AI working together could save the news business.

In today’s world, many news stories are influenced by personal views or politics. This is a big problem for the news business. Now, Google has made Genesis, an AI bot that writes news. This might be a big step toward information that is fairer.

When we talk about “fair” news, we mean information not influenced by views or politics. Readers should be able to make their thoughts based on the facts. Recently, communication has become more influenced by personal or political beliefs.

AI, like Genesis, has no political or personal views. It doesn’t have feelings that can cause it to be biased like humans. AI uses algorithms to find, sort, and show data. It doesn’t form views.

Genesis can mine many data sources and find, sort, and show it faster and on a larger scale than humans. It can check these sources for facts and make complete, balanced reports without views or slants. This not only means more topics can be covered but also that the points stay true.

However, can pick up biases from the data it uses to learn. For example, if an AI uses a lot of data from one political view, it might show that view in its work. So, the people who make and use AI have a big job to ensure the data is fair and the AI is used correctly.

Also, AI can’t replace human news writers. Genesis is good at finding and showing facts, but humans understand feelings and complex ideas better. The best way forward might be for AI and humans to work together: Genesis can give the points, and humans can provide the meaning and tell the story.

Genesis is a big chance for the news business. News that is just facts could make people trust information again. However, it is essential to remember that AI is a tool, not a magic fix. Making sure news is fair requires hard work and care from those who create and use AI. If we use Genesis correctly, it could start a new time of unbiased news.

If we use AI like Genesis thoughtfully, we could move the news business away from views and back to truth and fairness. In a time where false news and over-dramatic stories have made things unclear, AI could be the guide to help us understand the world fairly and clearly.

Teeing off with Tesla, landing in the rough with Hitler

AI generated image intended to show Nikola Tesla playing golf during a lightning storm. According to the artist who created the image, Tesla sort of looks like Hitler.
Nikola Tesla or Herr Schicklgruber? You be the judge.

Once upon a time, I embarked on a noble journey as an artist, intending to shed light on a misunderstood genius from the past. Little did I know that this artistic adventure would lead me into an unexpected situation.

The protagonist of this story is none other than myself. The misunderstood genius I sought to portray is the legendary Nikola Tesla, whose knowledge lay in lightning rather than in perfecting his golf swing.

Now, here’s where things took an unforeseen turn. Alongside the vision of Tesla playing golf, I inadvertently generated an AI-created image that, by chance, bore a passing resemblance to Adolf Hitler, the infamous turd who made the world his punchbowl.

I must emphasize that there is no actual historical or factual connection between Tesla and Hitler.

My idea was to present Tesla in an unusual setting, breaking free from his usual lab environment and having a playful moment on the golf course. The irony of such a depiction was an intriguing creative challenge, a project worth sharing.

So, I enlisted the help of my AI bot assistant and provided the following prompt:

“Create a photorealistic HD 8K portrait of Nikola Tesla on a golf course, with lightning striking dramatically in the background. The photo should be set in 1930, using 2-color Technicolor, depicting a stormy day with ominous clouds in a 16:9 aspect ratio.”

As you can see, the outcome sort of captures Tesla’s essence but also somewhat sort of resembles Hitler. (It’s essential to clarify that the similarity in the AI-generated image is purely coincidental.)

Similarly, odd coincidences show Barack Obama resembling Clutch Cargo, J.J. Abrams and Rachel Maddow seeming to have been separated at birth, and Paul Revere looking like either Bob Hope or Jack Black.

Does Barack Obama look like Clutch Cargo? You be the judge.
Were Rachel Maddow and J.J. Abrams separated at birth?
Does Paul Revere look more like Bob Hope or Jack Black?

Exploring dystopia: Does real beat supernatural?

Midjourney-created faux photo shows ruggedly handsome U.S. Army sergeant troubled by what he sees happening at a FEMA security checkpoint in Colorado.
Midjourney helps authjors create compelling photorealistic illustrations.

Many opportunities have opened up in today’s rapidly evolving technological landscape, especially in storytelling.

I’ve traditionally relied on words to tell stories and painted pictures with linguistic artistry. However, I now find myself captivated by the possibility of an innovative form of storytelling that combines the power of words and the allure of visuals.

I’m thinking about creating a dystopian series.

Why?

First, I enjoy the genre. It’s as simple as that.

Second, part of my affinity for dystopian narratives stems from their popularity, a phenomenon that rivals, or perhaps even surpasses, the cultural fascination with zombie and vampire sagas.

A peculiar allure in dystopian stories captivates audiences on a profound level. These narratives, with their grim yet thought-provoking depictions of the future, are compelling in their ability to entertain and pose crucial questions about society, humanity, and our collective future.

In contrast to the fantastical elements of vampire and zombie lore, the dystopian genre is grounded in a stark, often chilling, potential reality. This potential for plausibility contributes to their widespread appeal and my fascination.

The amalgamation of evocative words and realistic images will only amplify these dystopian tales’ compelling nature.

The advent of Midjourney sparked my imagination. This AI bot offers the ability to create astonishingly realistic imagery, which could be a powerful tool for breathing life into the desolate futures I craft.

The thought of generating visual landscapes to go along with my narratives is exhilarating. I envision a book where the words and images are intertwined, exploring a sorrowful future world. The text would narrate the struggles, while the illustrations would lend actual shape to that narrative.

I’ve already begun experimenting with Midjourney, building a tableau of the future. I’ve included some early idea images.

What are your thoughts about this? It is a hybrid book containing narratives and visuals set in a dystopian future.

Does it resonate with you?

Midjourney-created faux photo shows a young deputy sheriff and an older rancher talking about why United Nations troops would be in southeastern Colorado.
Do you remember Fotonovels? I always liked how they handled dialogue.

Midjourney-created faux photo shows a coujty official being arrested by United Nations forces. You can create anything with an AI bot.
The range of characters becomes unlimited, thanks to Midjourney. I feel as if I’m casting a movie.

Lotteries: The get-poor-quick scheme governments love

Fanciful drawing of a pudgy little boy holding a lollipop. The boy has a dejected, disappointed look on his face. Meaning: You're a sucker if you play the lottery. Image created by Midjourney.

As a copy editor at a renowned media corporation, I honed an undeniable fascination with words and their potent implications. One phrase that particularly resonated with me is “lottery fever.”

As innocuous as it may sound, this term signifies a societal epidemic concealed beneath a thin layer of harmless amusement.

Every time the jackpot number surges toward unprecedented figures, multitudes find themselves irresistibly drawn to buying a ticket, myself included. But let’s put our reservations aside and dissect the impacts of government-sanctioned lotteries.

At first blush, lotteries seem beneficial. They are touted as significant revenue generators for education, social services, and other public sectors.

However, delve deeper, and a far grimmer picture emerges.

The bulk of lottery sales comes from disadvantaged communities; it is a regressive tax system in disguise. The poorest households spend much of their income on lottery tickets, fueled by an elusive dream of instant wealth. This perpetuates a vicious cycle of poverty, as those who can least afford to gamble are those who play the most.

Government-sanctioned lotteries project an insidious image of gambling as a benign pastime, a legitimate form of entertainment.

But it’s more than buying a ticket and waiting for the draw. It fosters an unhealthy relationship with money, instilling the dangerous belief that prosperity can be reached with minimal effort. This mindset discourages productive work and financial discipline, further disadvantaging those in the lower economic strata.

Studies have also shown that lotteries contribute to problem gambling.

The National Council on Problem Gambling reports that 10-15% of young people have experienced significant gambling-related problems. Not only does this harm individuals and their families, but it also burdens our health and social systems.

Some might argue that lotteries provide funding for beneficial social programs. But is it ethical to fund these initiatives on the backs of those most in need? There must be a better way to support our communities than by exploiting the vulnerabilities of our most disadvantaged citizens.

We should strive to foster an environment that promotes hard work, financial discipline, and realistic paths to success rather than selling pipe dreams.

Instead of endorsing the practice of gambling, we should focus on empowering communities, providing adequate education, promoting affordable housing, and other sustainable measures that would lead to a lasting upliftment of society.

As we navigate these convoluted waters of chance and fate, let’s not forget the actual name of this venture. No amount of euphemistic packaging should mask the truth of what lotteries genuinely are.

Lotteries are not “gaming,” an activity connoting fun, engagement, and skill. They are “gambling,” a practice that implies risk, potential harm, and exploitation of the vulnerable.

The next time the lottery pot swells to massive proportions and the feverish excitement sweeps across the state, step back and reassess the actual cost of that ticket. The gamble is not just financial; it’s societal, too.

And let’s call a spade a spade: It’s gambling, not gaming.

Bonus read: Why it’s not worth it to play the lottery

Shocking response deters blue-state crime

I’ve always maintained that if good fences make good neighbors, then good electric fences make great neighbors. Over on YouTube, the best viewer response to this report is: “On the farm you use electric fences to keep the animals in, in the city you use electric fences to keep the animals out.”

From pixels to pinkies: An ode to Midjourney’s mesmerizing mastery

My test-driving of Midjourney reveals an occasional finger problem. Check out the digits on the woman’s left hand.

Today, I’m going to gush about my newest artistic obsession that’s been occupying a sizeable chunk of my screen time lately.

It’s Midjourney, a talented bot that creates a dizzying range of artwork and photos. Now, don’t roll your eyes just yet. I know we’ve all seen art bots before, but I assure you, Midjourney is something else.

I’ve been on a Midjourney binge recently, and its capabilities spellbind me. It specializes in conjuring the unbelievable: photo-realistic images. Yes, you heard me right, photo-realistic.

I kid you not; this bot’s images have me questioning reality. If a bot can replicate reality perfectly, what does that say about our perception of the world?

Chew on that.

However, like the awe-inspiring cosmos, Midjourney isn’t without its quirks. Users need to be on the lookout for one occasional idiosyncrasy: strange fingers.

I can’t help but be reminded of the aliens from the 1960s classic series “The Invaders.”

For those too young to remember, architect David Vincent, the lead character, fought off these strange extraterrestrials who were perfect human replicas — except for an occasionally mutated pinkie finger.

In a strangely delightful twist, maybe Midjourney is channeling that alien charm. Who knew art and vintage sci-fi could find common ground in a bot?

Each Midjourney creation arrives with a dose of anticipation. How will the fingers turn out this time? Will it be a subtle shift, a gentle warping of reality you might miss if you aren’t looking closely? Or will it be a glaringly apparent alien appendage daring you to accept this new version of reality? It’s a little thrill that keeps you coming back for more.

All fun and games aside, in my experience, the funky fingers only show up a small percentage of the time.

So, if you’re ready for a wild ride that combines art, AI, and a sprinkling of sci-fi nostalgia, join me in exploring Midjourney.

Midjourney is here, and it’s time we embrace these strange new frontiers — fingers and all.