Once upon a time, The New York Times was my morning oracle. A cup of coffee, the crisp pages of the Times, and I was informed, enlightened, and ready to face the world with a mind full of facts.

Ah, those were the days!

But alas, that Times, the beacon of journalistic integrity, seems to be nothing more than a quaint memory, replaced by a publication that to me is less about news and more about … well, let’s say selective storytelling.

Case in point: the recent unsealing of the Jeffrey Epstein files. Now, one would think that the revelation of a high-profile scandal involving a notorious figure would be front and center, right? But no. In its infinite wisdom this morning, the Times decided this was little more than a “More News” item. Less important than an audio feature in which Oprah Winfrey and Gayle King “discuss their friendship” and an article about flowers having reduced sex (I kid you not).

I couldn’t help but chuckle (bitterly, mind you) at the irony. Here we have a story with everything – intrigue, high society, scandal, sex – and The New York Times treats it like a bus plunge. What happened to the fearless pursuit of truth? To the paper that once brought us groundbreaking stories with unflinching honesty?

It’s clear that The Times has become a water carrier for the left, carefully curating news to fit a certain narrative. Gone are the days when it stood as a paragon of unbiased reporting. Now, it’s more about what they choose not to report, and how quietly they can do it.

I’d wipe my ass with The New York Times, but the ink might undo the anal bleaching.